Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
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The Massillon Review will now open the City's Christmas stocking to see what our beloved Mayor for Life, Santa Frank, has left for us;
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Let's see what's first in the stocking. Oh my gosh! It's a dam which is about to burst;
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The Reservoir dam "was given a first-class hazard rating during the inspection meaning that it poses a risk of "probable loss of human life" (The Independent, October 30, 2010). "Probable loss of human life" seems pretty serious. Let's look for the gift receipt. Maybe we can return this one on the 26th.
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Let's see, what else can we pull out of the stocking. Why it's an almost $200,000 dollar restaurant with no business plan;
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"we did go into this without a business plan" (Julie Jenkins, Office Manager for Parks and Recreation/Legends of Massillon golf course).
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What do we have here? Why it's a shiny new tax! It's a "storm water utility fee" which will be tacked on to our sewer bills. It's just what we have always wanted.
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With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now! Gamber, now! Manson, now! Peters and Hersher,
On! Mang, on! McCune, on Slagle and Jayne Ferrero."
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What else did Santa Frank bring us for Christmas?
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Oh my goodness! It's crippling golf course debt. Not every city gets crippling golf course debt for Christmas! We will owe $524,045 dollars just in 2011 alone on the debt. We bet Canton doesn't have crippling golf course debt.
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What else is in our stocking? It's a $211,000 mortgage payment for the privately owned Hampton Inn. Wow, and its just our size, too!
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Ooh. Here's a really big box. Oh, look. Its an unvoted pay raise for the mayor, city council, law director, and auditor.
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Check this out. 4% pay raises for the city's unionized workers. Other governments are having pay freezes and cuts, but not in Massillon.We may be broke, but the unions are getting a raise. We hope they properly thank Santa Frank during his election year.
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What else do we have in the City's Christmas stocking? Why it's a set of monogrammed rubber stamps. One says "Taxman," another says "Loyal Enforcer," and a third says "Lap Dog of the Treasury." We bet these rubber stamps will be used all year long!
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Here is a gift that won't get a lot of use. It's a pledge. A "pledge" from Santa Frank to the people of Ward 4;
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"he pledged to Councilman Tony Townsend that he would help him rename Shriver by urging his Parks and Recreation Board appointees to vote in favor of it" (The Independent, August 31, 2010).
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Oh look, a book, "The Complete Vandal's Guide to the Massillon Park System." The Forward is written by Parks Czar Kenn Kaminski.
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We were hopeful. This next present was on our list, but we weren't sure Santa Frank would come through. He did. It's a 'line in the sand'. A line in the sand will keep the carpetbaggers at bay;
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"He (Cicchinelli) said he would call out such "carpetbaggers..."
There's going to be a line drawn in the sand, he said" (The Independent, July 31, 2010).
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Carpetbaggers. People not originally from Massillon. Santa Frank's campaign contributors, ad agency, department heads... and even Mrs. Santa Frank. Carpetbaggers.
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What's this? Marijuana Growing for Dummies? This must have been left in our stocking by mistake. This probably belongs to former Zoning Board of Appeals member Kevin Smith. We will forward this along to the proper federal prison so Kevin gets his Christmas present, too.
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One last gift in the City's Christmas stocking. It's Santa Frank's seventh term as mayor. If we only re-elect Santa Frank to a seventh term as a mayor, just imagine what the City of Massillon will find in its Christmas stocking next year.
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But I heard him explain as he drove out of sight -
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
